Is passive aggression the hidden hurt in your relationship?
Some households are not as happy as they could be. There is conflict on various emotional, verbal, perhaps physical levels. What behavior is causing these conflicts? Perhaps you think of yourself as the normal one, but your partner often complains about you, and you often think her as overly dramatic and emotional.
It’s understandable that these fights put you off. You may sit and listen but in your head you are wondering how much longer this fight will take, and you may ask yourself, "Why am I still letting myself stay in this situation, where I'm not wanted?"
What if there's more here than meets the eye? What if it's not that she doesn't want you, but that she's trying to make you understand something important, something that may either save or break the marriage? Is she worth staying and finding out for?
The common law of physics is that every action has an equal and opposition reaction. The same is true of relationships. Your wife’s reaction to you has been caused by an action that you did somewhere along the line, and the other way around.
Do you usually say to yourself “What I am doing here” when things get bad? If your wife becomes loud and defiant or demands apologies from you, do you feel that she has no right to speak to you that way?
Are you often impatient to get the conversation over with so that you can do what you think is best for both of you? Does your wife often say that you don’t understand her, that you don’t care about her feelings?
All of these things contribute to the widening gap between you and your wife. The days when the two of you could have a relaxing, enjoyable time at home together are fading.
How about answering this: what is really causing this gap between the two of you? Why are you drifting further apart? What is at stake?
"For a long time, I was avoiding confrontation with my wife. She was so aggressive in telling me everything I did wrong that it made me feel like I’m not good enough for anything. Who wants to listen to that? Every fight we were in made me feel more isolated, more unwanted, more of a disappointment to her.
I found myself wishing she wouldn’t get so angry. I wished she could lovingly tell me that I hurt her, that she would know for sure that I didn’t mean any harm. I wished that she could show me that I hurt her in a way that made me want to change my behavior. Instead, she said it in a way that made me rationalize my behavior & protect myself from her vocal disappointment.
It’s different now.
One night I was by myself, going over our fight in my head, and I did a search on “passive aggressive.” This is what she was always calling me, and it was driving me crazy! I found this site, and instead of explaining to me why I should believe my wife, this little test was there to say: “Find out by yourself.”
I was amazed at how everything changed after that. Suddenly, a personalized solution for us as a couple was in our hands. For years, I’ve been silently struggling to find a way of living that makes us both feel safe and secure in the relationship; not in danger of losing each other, as I used to feel.
I’m learning now how to do these things, and home feels safer and happier because of it."
- Alan G., Ontario
Are you ready to find out the truth about this gap, the one your wife says is caused by passive aggression? Find out for yourself, like Alan did, by visiting our Passive Aggression Test here. Save your marriage today!